- Get picked up at the airport in the nearest big city. Spend the entire ride back to your hometown listening to your parents explaining how the new Walmart is ruining everything. (To show you’re listening, periodically pepper in useful phrases like, “Big box stores are the worst” and “It’s a tough landscape for local businesses”).
- Survey refrigerator, freezer, and pantry as soon as you get to your parents’ house. It’s important to get your bearings and determine how much things have changed in your absence.
- Drop your suitcase off in your childhood bedroom, which still has the wallpaper you chose when you were 6 and the Daniel Radcliffe poster you chose when you were 15 (or, if you were born in the 80s, sub Daniel Radcliffe out for Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell).
- Frantically text any friends who are also visiting or never…
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